Hussalonia Song # 4: What Will Become of Me?

This song presents a problem for me in regard to this blog. The problem lies in the fact that the song appears thrice on this album. Each track contains some variation. I'm not entirely sure, however, if I can think of much to write about each one individually. That isn't to say I don't enjoy the repetition, or that I discount those variations between each version; I think that it does add something to the feel of and overall experience of listening to the album that this song is repeated. I'm just not entirely sure if my reactions to each version are different enough to inspire three full, separate entries on this blog. Then again, there's no real limit on the minimum or maximum length of a post here (well, there might be technically, but I haven't imposed any on myself as a part of this project). Perhaps my entries on the second and third versions of this song will just be very brief. We'll see what I can do, though. As best I can, I want to live up to this blog's title and write something about every Hussalonia song (though, more specifically, every Hussalonia track/recording).
While, in my current state of sleep-deprivation and poor habits of eating and exercise, my memory is a bit fuzzy and my thoughts are a little unclear, and therefore I'm not really recalling the other tracks all that well, I think that the triad of Chubby Checker, Limbo Rock, and the first appearance of this song might be my personal favorite tracks on this album.
This song brings to my mind anxiety about the future, a most relatable feeling for most, I imagine. The lyrics reference building a nest, only for it to become infested with violent bees and ruining the comfort that it was supposed to provide. [The Hussalonia Founder]'s vocal here seems to me to tread a fine line between triumphant and despairing, especially around the halfway mark when it really seems to reach a high point that I find both beautiful and tragic. I'm not really sure if that sense of triumph that I imagine has any basis in reality, but somehow, nonetheless, I get this near-triumphant feeling when I listen to this track. I emphasize the "near," though. Despair seems to pervade the lyrics and the delivery; I sense a struggle going on. It all comes back to that title: What Will Become of Me? It is one of those phrases that seems to capture an entire mood very well, and since I've bought this album, whenever I've had the feeling that this song gives me, the title phrase, without my really thinking of the song in particular, seems to loop in my mind.
Anxiety over the future plagues me fairly often and has been the cause of more than a few depressive episodes. I've noticed that sometimes I experience a phenomenon that has only begun to occur in the last few years, and I wonder if it is the reason I feel this nearly-triumphant aspect of this song even though it may not really be intended. What I'm referring to is when, in the midst of a depression, I suddenly experience this kind of snap-back in which I feel suddenly exuberant, likely for no particular reason at all. It may last until it and the depression dissipate together, or the depression may return before the episode is over. I cannot explain this; perhaps someone with a decent knowledge of psychology or something could. At any rate, I am always grateful for these times, even when they are temporary.
This track brings to mind a certain loneliness I feel. I do not get along well with most people. I have few very close friends and few very close family members. I can get along with many people I meet on a shallow level, a small-talk level, but it is difficult for me to form deep relationships. I feel that my life is perched precariously. I fear losing loved ones. I feel nervous now, just writing about it, as if by writing about it I will upset the balance somehow.
Why is it that a song so associated with my worst fears and deepest anxieties be so enjoyable? I'm not sure if "enjoyable" is the correct word to use. Perhaps a better word would be "cathartic," but I'm not sure. At any rate, I do take some kind of odd comfort in this song, even if it doesn't seem intended to offer any in particular, at least as far as I can tell. For all I know, I might be looking at it all wrong in the first place and missing the point. Nonetheless, it is what it is to me, and I am glad to have it. When those anxiety attacks hit, somehow thinking of the title of this song, while it doesn't erase the problems, somehow lassos them and labels them, and somehow that does ease things up, if only slightly. It is a phrase that expresses great uncertainty, great fear, and great apprehension; yet somehow condensing those negative feelings into that phrase creates some kind of peace, though small: what will become of me? If you've ever wondered that yourself, or if you've only had the feeling that the question seems to convey, then I believe you will enjoy this track, or at least take some kind of comfort in it. I know I do.